


It's Never That Easy

by PushPin



Series: A Series of Terrible Ideas [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Anal Sex, Awkward Sex, Blow Jobs, M/M, Sex in a Car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 00:50:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11219787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PushPin/pseuds/PushPin
Summary: Noctis and Prompto, when left to their own devices, can have some truly awful ideas.  Written for kinkmeme, the prompt was for "giggly awkward not all that sexy sex"!





	1. Road Head ?

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been sucked into FFXV kinkmeme prompts and I can't stop, sigh.

“Did Ignis ever give you the car keys back?”

“No,” Noctis sighed, not taking his eyes off the TV. “He said they were his ‘until further notice’ which I think means forever.”

“But it’s your car!” Prompto whined, not so patiently waiting for his turn in the game. “It’s not like we were actually gonna do it.”

“You know him, the mere idea of road head and he almost has a stroke.”

“I bet you ten dollars he’s never gonna let us be alone together in the car again, stationary or not,” Prompto said, stretching out on the sofa and watching Noct play. The round was nearly over which meant it would be his turn for the next one. “You threaten him with one innocent bj and it’s all over.”

“Okay but he wasn’t wrong to be worried,” Noctis snorted. “I know for a fact we’d end up in the hospital if you were behind the wheel in that scenario.”

“Is that a dig at me or are you just tooting your own horn? Because first of all fuck you,” Prompto resettled into the couch. “And second gimme that it’s my turn.”

“We got disconnected before it finished, it doesn’t count. I get another round.” Noctis twisted to keep the controller away from grabby hands. “And yes, I’m saying you get stupid when someone touches your dick.”

“Like you’re much better!”

“Uh, yeah. I am.”

“You so aren't,” Prompto said, folding his arms and sulking. They both were quiet watching the game take its time finding the next matchup. “How much like real driving do you think a racing game is?”

Noctis didn’t say anything for a long stretch before finally turning his head to look at Prompto, who was carefully still watching the screen. He watched one corner of Prompto’s mouth quirk up and he knew they were on the same page. “You’re on.”

Noctis closed the current game while Prompto slipped off the couch and onto his knees, shoving the coffee table back to make some room. Noctis started loading up the first racing game he could find in his games library.

“If you crash during the race you have to tell Ignis I’m a better driver than you. And give me the spare car key,” Prompto said with a cocky smirk, pushing Noctis’s knees apart and settling on the floor between them. “Did you put the chain on the front door?”

“Yeah it’s locked,” Noctis said, setting the controller to the side and lifting his hips to unbuckle his pants and push his pants and underwear halfway down his thighs. “If I win I get to fuck you in the car.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” Noctis said, gripping his dick and giving it a few strokes. “We’ll go down to the garage and I top you in the backseat.”

“Dude that backseat is small,” Prompto whined, resting his elbows on Noctis’s knees and watching his hand work. “We’ll make a huge mess.”

“Uh yeah, that’s kind of the point. If Specs thinks he can keep me from hanky-panky in my own car he has another thing coming,” Noctis said, picking up the controller and watching his online matchups appear.

“You’d seriously soil you own car to get back at him?”

“The race is starting.”

“Oh shit,” Prompto said, glancing back at the screen before hooking his hands around the prince’s legs and dragging him further down the couch. “Hold still.”

Noctis just had time to see Prompto wet his lips before he had to focus on the game. He held the controller up, having to keep it against his chest to play to make room for Prompto in his lap. The race counted down to the start and he felt Prompto’s fingers curl around him and a puff of hot breath. Lips sealed over the head of his cock and he mashed the accelerate button. His car skidded out at the start and he felt Prompto pull off him to stifle a laugh.

“Shut up,” Noctis groaned, trying to salvage the bad start.

“Sorry, who gets stupid when someone touches their dick again?”

“Keep talking, this is a race, remember?”

“Yeah yeah,” Prompto sighed and reapplied himself, wrapping his lips around the shaft in front of him and swallowing it down in a smooth motion. His fingers rested lightly against bare skin of exposed thighs while he leaned close, taking as much as he could before pulling back in a slow torturous pull.

“Fuck!” Noctis choked, trying desperately to focus on the race while Prompto’s head bobbed in his lap. He could feel Prompto snort in amusement at his exclamation. He didn’t have to place first, just keep from blowing up the car on screen. Simple.

Prompto built up to a pace, every wet drag of lips and tongue making the race on screen seem farther away to Noctis. He took a deep grounding breath to try and gather his focus and Prompto replied with a low hum, barely audible over the wet noises of his mouth moving.

Noctis gritted his teeth and tensed, rocking his hips up into the wet heat enveloping him. He felt the head of his cock bump the back of Prompto’s throat and his friend pulled away coughing.

“Not fair dude,” Prompto whined, his voice rougher than it had been only a few minutes ago. “Do that again and you get teeth.”

“I thought you wanted to win this?” Noctis said, but his voice sounded strained even to his own ears. “Also please god no teeth I’m sorry.”

“Why am I starting to think you’re getting more out of this than I am?” Prompto asked, taking Noctis into his hand and turning to glance back at the TV. “Not dead yet?”

“Dead fucking last, but no crashing. I’m doing this.”

“Fucking hell,” Prompto sighed, turning back and licking the slit while jerking him with his hand. “Well if you’re not playing fair neither am I.”

Noctis didn’t have much time to process the statement, his attention split. The first place racer lapped him while he took a second to glance down at Prompto. He watched the blond slide a middle finger into his mouth and it came out wet. He couldn’t stare anymore; he had to focus on the race. A second later lips sealed over his cock again and the second place racer lapped him too.

In one surprisingly smooth movement Prompto’s lips worked all the way to the base of Noctis’s cock and slipped a finger inside him.

“Shit shit shit-!“ Noctis cursed, dropping the controller and writhing in his seat. Prompto’s finger inside him twisted just right and he saw white. He came without warning, hearing Prompto choking but unable to hold back.

Noctis blinked the stars out of his vision in time to see Prompto push off him and stand, lips red and pressed together. He watched his friend stumble over the coffee table on the way to the kitchen and bend over to spit in the sink. Noctis caught his breath but said nothing, just watching the blond while his dick softened against his belly.

Prompto rinsed his mouth from the tap and spat again before standing up. He leaned against the counter and stared across the room at Noctis.

“You need to eat better, dude. You taste bad,” Prompto said with a grimace.

“Gross.”

“You’re telling me,” Prompto said but laughed anyway. “So, did you die?”

“What?”

Prompto crossed the room again, managing to trip on the coffee table a second time. “In the game asshole. Did I win?”

Noctis finally looked to the screen. The race was over even though he really didn’t remember finishing it, and the stats were scrolling across the screen. 0 deaths scrolled across the screen, right after last place.

“Not dead, I win,” Noctis announced in triumph while Prompto sank into the seat next to him.

“Holy. Shit,” Prompto said, strangely solemn. “You’re so getting banned, like, five minutes ago.”

“Huh?”

Prompto didn’t answer, he was already doubled over laughing before he could manage words. Noctis searched the screen again but didn’t find what had Prompto laughing so hard so suddenly. He won? Zero deaths still blinked on screen. Finally he noticed the group chat quickly scrolling with fast incoming group messages.

killer_queen86: so uhhh wat was that about   
redspydabs: someone didt no his mic was on lol  
need4speed7654: 6/10 not enuf slurping  
redspydabs: tnx 4 da sho lmao  
theycallmehola: i think it was 2 guys  
killer_queen86: ew  
numbaone: ???  
keezer: it was a brojob  
theycallmehola: nice

Noctis felt all the blood that had previous occupied his lower half migrate to his face. The mic icon was still lit in the upper corner of the screen. He hadn’t noticed at all in the heat of the moment. He immediately shut down the system and tossed the controller away. He tried elbowing Prompto, who was still dying of laughter next to him, but it didn’t seem to even make him slow down.

“It’s not funny,” Noctis mumbled and Prompto took a deep breath, finally sitting back up. The blond wiped at his eyes, grin still plastered over his face.

“That’s like the funniest thing that’s ever happened!” Prompto said, wracked with a new wave of giggles. “I’m gonna die that was so great. And here I thought I wasn’t gonna get anything out of that. Wow.”

“Shut up I hate you.”

“No you don’t. And put it away already Prince Charming,” Prompto said and took a deep breath to regain his composure, but the smile stayed stuck on his face. He lifted a hand and arranged his fingers as if to flick at Noctis’s still exposed dick. “Unless you wanted a picture of all this, because honestly you look so uncool right now.”

Noctis stood and pulled his pants back up, buckling them hurriedly.

“At least they don’t do video chat.”

“Get up, we’re going to the garage,” Noctis said, leaving Prompto on the couch and heading for the bedroom.

“What? Why?”

“I won, remember?”

“Uhh seriously, like right now?”

“Right now.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Are we really doing this?”

“Just get in,” Noctis said, punching in the code in the driver’s side door and unlocking the doors. The car wouldn’t run without a key, but he could still get inside with the code.

Prompto groaned but opened the back seat and got in, sliding across to the other side and making room for Noctis to get in next. Noctis shut the door and leaned forward to push a button and lock all the doors.

“And nobody’s going to see us?”

“It’s two in the morning, nobody is going to be in the garage,” Noctis said while adjusting the front seat as far forward as it would go. “Take your shoes off.”

“Like five minutes ago you were freaking out because strangers on the internet overheard you getting a blowie,” Prompto said, arguing but still pulling a foot over one knee and unlacing his boot. “This is as close to public sex as you can get without a bathroom stall.”

“Is that a suggestion?” Noctis sighed, kicking off his own boots and tossing them into the front seat. He took the lube and condom out of his pocket, tucking them into the pocket behind the driver’s seat. “You can’t even get in the garage without a keycard to the building, and security goes home at midnight. Nobody’s going to be snooping here.”

“I’d just like to point out that you’re the crown prince who cannot be arrested for public indecency. I don’t have any of that immunity, I go straight to jail.”

“For the last time this is not public. It’ll be fun, just get naked.”

“Wow you’re smooth,” Prompto said, rolling his eyes and dropping his boots in the front seat. Noctis watched him pull off his socks and start undoing his belt. “Are you just gonna watch or?”

“If I’m on top I don’t really need to take much off,” Noctis said, leaning forward over the center console and pushing the passenger’s side seat forward. It still didn’t leave much room in the back.

“Dude it’s already hot in here,” Prompto complained, struggling to get his pants and underwear below his knees in the cramped space. “You’re gonna die in here if you don’t take something off.”

“You know what really puts me in the mood?” Noctis asked, grabbing one of Prompto’s ankles and helping him tug his too tight pants over his feet. “Whining.”

Prompto snorted, now naked from the waist down. He left his shirt on and dropped his pants and underwear into the foot well. “Fine, fine. How are we doing this?”

“Right here,” Noctis said, scooting more towards the center of the seat and patting the seat on either side of his thighs. Miraculously without complaint Prompto obliged, only bumping an elbow on his way to straddle the prince’s lap.

Prompto put both hands on his friend’s shoulders and hand to duck his head to keep from being crushed up against the roof.

“You know how this is gonna play out?” Prompto smiled sweetly, leaning close to speak intimately. “I’m gonna come all over your nice black shirt and you’re gonna have to walk upstairs like that.”

“Tch!” Noctis tugged his shirt over his head and threw it in the front seat. “Happy?”

“Nice,” Prompto said, leaning back and appreciating the view. “I bet if Iggy were here he’d say something like ‘let’s get this show on the road’. Cuz we’re in a car, right?”

Noctis snorted, putting a hand on the blond’s hip and leaning forward to fish the lube out of the car pocket. His hand came out of the pocket already sticky. “Shit, I think it’s leaking.”

“Well you said you wanted to ruin the car,” Prompto sighed and twisted to peek into the pocket, sticking a hand in to check. “Yeah that pocket is fucked.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to ruin the car! Just mess it up a little,” Noctis grumbled, slicking up two fingers and dropping the tube in the seat next to them. He tugged the blond closer by his hips. “Can you lean back more?”

Prompto obliged, reaching back and resting his elbows against the front seats. The position left him surprisingly exposed, his legs parted and hip bones on display. Noctis wrapped one hand around the half hard cock nestled in blond hair. He could see Prompto’s gaze searching through the window behind him.

“Relax already.”

“Ha, yeah. Your dick isn’t even out, what do you have to be nervous about,” Prompto said but smiled.

Noctis didn’t even warn him when he abruptly pressed a wet finger into the blond, holding him still with his spare hand. Prompto yelped, squirming away from the intrusion.

“Warn a guy, will you?”

“Payback’s a bitch, huh?”

“Ugh, yeah okay,” Prompto said, leaning more against the back of the car seats behind him and relaxing some. “I guess the faster we get this over with the better.”

“Really hot Prom. I think I heard that in a porno once,” Noctis deadpanned.

Prompto snickered but cut off with a grunt when a second finger joined the first. “You sure you wouldn’t rather be doing this in a nice private bed?”

“We already lubed the pocket, we can’t turn back now without having to answer some hard questions.”

Prompto couldn’t hold back a surprised laugh, but slipped when he accidentally tried to hold himself up with his slippery hand. Noctis tried to grab him before his upper body fell between the two front seats onto the center console, but with one hand fairly deeply occupied the best he could manage was to fist a hand into the blond’s shirt while he went down.

Prompto caught himself on one hand with a crunch, his chest wedged between the two front seats with his lower half still in Noctis’s lap. Noctis removed his two fingers and watched the blond squirm.

“I think I broke something.”

“Are you okay?”

“No, like- ugh, help me up. I’m fine,” Prompto said, reaching one hand up for Noctis to take. Noctis helped lever him back up into a sitting position and Prompto dropped something that fell with a clatter to the seat.

“Are those yours?”

“Definitely Ignis’s.”

Prompto frowned down at the utterly destroyed pair of sunglasses. He knew they were prescription, delicate, vehemently protected, and expensive.

“Can I tell him you did that?”

“He’s going to think I did it on purpose. If we tell him it was you at least he’ll know it was an accident.”

“Hey!”

Noctis brushed the broken pieces down to the floor and kicked them under the seat. “If we’re lucky he won’t find them.”

“Pft, yeah that’s likely.”

“Come on, it’s hot in here. Let’s do this already.”

Noctis wrapped both arms around his friend’s waist and turned, dropping him into his back across the backseat. It was cramped and both their legs were crushed against the door. Prompto squealed and arched his back.

“What?” Noctis asked, startled.

Prompto let out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob. He reached a hand under himself and it came back wet. He reached back again and extricated the abused and now mostly empty lube bottle, tossing it to the floor below them.

“My shirt feels awful now, it’s all over my back.”

Noctis laughed but tried to hide it in a cough.

“Oh, you like that?” Prompto smiled, but it was dangerous. He reached a hand up, and before Noctis could stop him, combed a slick hand through black hair. “There ya go.”

Noctis broke, unable to stop laughing while he dropped his face to rest against Prompto’s belly. He wasn’t even mad that a stripe of hair was slicked back from his face. One of Prompto’s knees was digging into his stomach, his own knee was wedged underneath one side of the blond’s hip, and overall the position was just shy of painful.

“I can’t take you anywhere,” Noctis finally breathed out when he’d regained composure.

“Oh so this is my fault?” Prompto said, but fondly. “Are we still doing this, or is the lube-pocalypse enough for tonight?”

Noctis nearly lost his composure again and he could feel Prompto shaking with enjoyment under him.

“Okay. We’re doing this,” Noctis finally said, clearing his throat and trying to keep from grinning. “Now that you’re thoroughly lubed up.”

“Don’t even,” Prompto said with a chuckle, trying to get his legs positioned with the least knee-to-internal-organ contact possible. “Alright Romeo, get the rubber.”

Noctis had to fight with the backseat pocket to relinquish the condom from its sticky depths. It was a whole separate challenge to deal with a wrapper 100% coated with viscous lubricant. Prompto applauded when he finally got it open. He dropped the wrapper into the front seat, pushed his pants down to his knees, and rolled on the condom.

“You ready?” Noctis asked. Prompto looked at his wrist as though checking the time for comedic effect, but he didn’t wear a watch. “Fine, smartass.”

Noctis took hold of one of Prompto’s legs and bent it until he could position himself close enough between pale legs. Prompto helped as much as he could, but didn’t have much leverage against the slippery seat below him. He watched his friend’s eyes close when the tip of his cock fit inside. The blond head dropped back against the seat with a gasp when he thrust in.

Noctis had to grip Prompto close, but the position still wasn’t very good. If he sat up too much his head bumped the roof. One of his legs was falling asleep beneath him and every time he thrust it felt like he had to fight Prompto’s legs out of the way. There was nowhere good for legs to rest when the seat wasn’t wide enough and the ceiling was too low. He gave a frustrated rough thrust and Prompto’s head bumped the car door.

“It’s like a slip and slide down here, you’re gonna give me a concussion if you go too hard.”

“How are you eighty percent leg right now.”

“Dude, you’re killing me,” Prompto laughed. “This is terrible sex, how is it still fun?”

“This isn’t working,” Noctis sighed and pulled out. “Roll over.”

“Right, face down in sticky leather is better.”

“Hands and knees?”

“Might work. I don’t get to see your great hair that way though.”

Repositioning wasn’t easy, but they made it work with minimal damage. Prompto finally agreed to take his shirt off, it was more lube than shirt by then anyway. He wiped his hands on the casualty of a garment and held onto the door to keep his knees from sliding too much on the wet seat.

The position was better. Noctis was bent over and flush against his friend’s back. He pressed his cock back inside, wrapping both arms around Prompto. After a few thrusts the blond groaned.

“Better?”

“Yeah keep doing that,” Prompto sighed.

Noctis wrapped a hand around Prompto’s cock and felt him shiver. He groaned against a pale shoulder and worked his hand in time with his movements. It was a small space, but they fit together just right.

It didn’t take long for Noctis to realize it was completely stifling in the car. The windows were foggy, and what hair that wasn’t slicked back with lube was sticking to his face.

“It’s too hot in here.”

“No shit,” Prompto gasped. “But you were right.”

“Hm?”

“Whining isn’t sexy at all.”

Noctis smiled against a freckled shoulder. “Shut up and come already.”

“Nn, almost there,” Prompto groaned.

Noctis kept up an even pace for the next few frenzied minutes, feeling Prompto come undone beneath him finally. The blond spilled onto the already stained seat with Noctis’s fist still working him. The prince pulled out, tossing the condom somewhere up front and taking himself into his own hand.

“Huh?” Prompto questioned, sounding far away but still propped up against the door.

“I’m gonna come on the seat too.”

“Ew.”

Noctis didn’t reply, just applied himself to focus on aiming at the leather between Prompto’s knees. When he finally finished he slumped forward, letting Prompto support his weight while he tried to catch his breath. It was way too hot in there.

“No no no get off me. I’m gonna be mad for real if I fall in that mess!” Prompto said, panicked and elbowing at Noctis.

The prince reluctantly obliged, pushing off the blond and falling back against the opposite door.

The car was a wreck, Noctis was almost proud of it. He imagined Ignis clutching pearls or something. More realistically he thought of Ignis with a knife. The backseat was more than ruined. He knew the mess that lurked in the pocket behind the driver’s seat, and he wasn’t entirely clear where the used condom had ended up.

The two of them had to awkwardly get dressed outside the car. It was way too messy inside to even attempt such a delicate feat. Prompto elected to go without a shirt for the short walk back upstairs, and Noctis carried his shoes instead of bothering to put them back on. They were just going to shower as soon as they got back anyway.

The elevator was mercifully empty. The two of them boarded together and watched the doors close.

“After all that you’re not even gonna give me a kiss?” Prompto asked, leaning back against the railing and looking harried. Noctis purposefully avoided looking in the mirror. If the car had looked that destroyed inside, he knew they had to match.

Without hesitation Noctis put a hand on is friend’s shoulder, tugging him forward. He leaned close and licked a flat stripe across the blond’s mouth.

“How was that?”

“Really awful,” Prompto answered, but he was laughing. “Let’s never do that again.”

“Deal.”


	3. Chapter 3

Brickshthouse shared a gameplay recording with Afierydeath  
Lil_mr_sunshine: is that wat im afraid it is  
Brickshthouse: 100% yes  
Lil_mr_sunshine: shiiiiii  
Afierydeath: Should I be worried?  
Lil_mr_sunshine: were u srsly playing that round wtf  
Brickshthouse: auto matches with friends who r already playing yes i heard everything  
Brickshthouse: enjoy  
Lil_mr_sunshine: i thought we were friends  
Lil_mr_sunshine: how could u sell us out like that  
Brickshthouse: how was the car lol  
Lil_mr_sunshine: stuffy lmao  
Royalnightmare: noooooo  
Royalnightmare: fired  
Lil_mr_sunshine: how long is that vid  
Lil_mr_sunshine: i need to no how long i hav to get out of the city  
Royalnightmare: he is def watching it rn or hed be asking about the car  
Lil_mr_sunshine: lol im so ded  
Lil_mr_sunshine: im p sure that vid is mild treason  
Afierydeath: What about the car.  
Lil_mr_sunshine: fff ya im out  
Lil_mr_sunshine signed out.  
Afierydeath: What about the car!  
Brickshthouse: i cant believe prom left  
Brickshthouse: just when its gettin good  
Afierydeath: What. About. The. Car.  
Royalnightmare: its still in the garage  
Royalnightmare: where u left it  
Royalnightmare: ttly fine  
Afierydeath: And.  
Royalnightmare: theres no and  
Brickshthouse: haha I forgot i didnt rec in time to catch the first part  
Afierydeath: …  
Brickshthouse: its better this way  
Brickshthouse: didnt spoil the reveal of wat u did next  
Lil_mr_sunshine joined the chat.  
Royalnightmare: ok but its my car  
Afierydeath: And?  
Royalnightmare: i can do what I want in it  
Royalnightmare: *with it  
Lil_mr_sunshine: ugh   
Afierydeath: Dear god.  
Lil_mr_sunshine: did u tell him?  
Afierydeath: I THINK I’VE HEard enough.  
Royalnightmare: the car is fine!  
Royalnightmare: it just needs   
Royalnightmare: detailing  
Lil_mr_sunshine: UGH  
Royalnightmare: mostly in the back  
Royalnightmare: also u might want to   
Royalnightmare: like  
Royalnightmare: invest in some new sunglasses?  
Afierydeath: I really want to be mad.  
Afierydeath: and yell.  
Lil_mr_sunshine: sobs  
Afierydeath: I’ll be over shortly.  
Afierydeath signed out.  
Brickshthouse: can i come over  
Royalnightmare: can u protect me  
Brickshthouse: r u kidding im bringin popcorn  
Royalnightmare: ok im putting the chain on  
Lil_mr_sunshine: but now hes on the loose and idk when hes coming for me  
Brickshthouse: ur next  
Royalnightmare: i think we r all forgetting that its MY CAR  
Royalnightmare: i own it  
Royalnightmare: mine  
Lil_mr_sunshine: is he gonna tell my mom  
Royalnightmare: dude  
Brickshthouse: dude  
Lil_mr_sunshine: D:  
Royalnightmare: ill visit u in ur hobo box when she kicks u out  
Brickshthouse: fcking lol   
Brickshthouse: get rekt  
Lil_mr_sunshine: not funny  
Royalnightmare: sry  
Brickshthouse: im coming over tho  
Brickshthouse signed out.  
Lil_mr_sunshine: welp  
Royalnightmare: come over?  
Lil_mr_sunshine: y?  
Royalnightmare: so we can die like men together  
Lil_mr_sunshine: ilu bro  
Royalnightmare: haha  
Lil_mr_sunshine: u did this  
Lil_mr_sunshine: fine  
Lil_mr_sunshine: it was a bad idea  
Royalnightmare: ya very bad  
Lil_mr_sunshine: ill run over  
Lil_mr_sunshine: cya soon  
Lil_mr_sunshine signed off.  
Royalnightmare: hurry  
Royalnightmare: oops  
Royalnightmare signed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the comments and kudos everyone! ^^


End file.
